Winning the Breakup

In the first few weeks after a breakup, you’re just made entirely of nerve endings. Everything hurts and makes you sad and mad and elated all at once. My breakup this year coincided with the start of a new job, which was the absolute worst timing, and I do not recommend it. During a breakup…

Swooning over Strangers

I think I have an undiscovered talent as a romance novelist, a coiled spring of potential just waiting to be activated. The reason I think this is because anytime I have a vague whiff of connection with someone I write our entire future together in my head. The entire thing, not just like, what could…

Disclosure

I'm an oversharer. I mean, duh. During Blogtober I've been like, blah blah blah my feelings my literal mental health hey guys guess what dumb thought I had yesterday. In saying that, I guess I have limits. I have an idea for a blog about my RELATIONSHIP with my BODY which I can't yet touch…

The Dress Theory of Dating

About two weeks into being on the apps I developed something that I call "The Dress Theory of Dating". Maybe we can even call it "The Great Grand Dress Theory of Dating", or something. "The Eleganza Extravaganza Dress Theory of Dating". Lovely. Intriguing, right? Wondering what it's all about? Wondering if it's the idea that…

Going Fishing

Back when I was first dating online there were like, seven men in my area to choose from. You had to sit down at your computer to make your profile, and your profile pic was taken on your shitty webcam. You’d read everyone’s (in-depth) profiles meticulously and select people after you truly felt like you’d…

How to Pick Up Men at the Supermarket

I’ve been on the dating apps now for a few months, and thus I now consider myself an expert in the field. I know which way to swipe. I’ve got witty openers. I can tell you with near perfect accuracy which ones are huuuuuge fans of Joe Rogan’s podcast. Despite my newfound skillset, sometimes I…

Joy met me at the Raspberries

My joy met me at Coles tonight. She’d been away ever since The Great Ghosting of 2018, but tonight she met me at the raspberries. Let’s rewind. I posted on Facebook about the Great Ghosting of 2018, because Facebook is my confessional booth. People say “Zuckerberg” and “data” and “Cambridge Analytica” and other phrases of…

Back in the Saddle

After my relationship ended in April I took some time out from romance. To take care of myself. To join the gym again. To clamber out of depression. Doctors and therapists and a Cosmopolitan article I found online were all in agreement – this is good, it’s a process, it’s going to take you months.…

Women are From Venus

I’ve had two dates recently where they started a story with a sigh. One over the phone, this week; and one across the table, last week, both began a story with a sigh, and a “well”. “Well, I’m just annoyed at her”. In both stories the “her” in question was a New Zealand woman (not…