chatting, life, Uncategorized

The Modern-Day Edison

Every once in a while I have a brainwave, and I invent something so perfect for humanity, so wonderfully puzzle-pieced into a key human need, that I’m amazed it hasn’t been invented already.

Except it already has.

Recently I came up with the idea of making toast, and then turning the toast – wait for it – into a sandwich. It’d be like a sandwich, but also toast! I felt my pulse quicken, my marketing brain immediately start whirring. I’d be a billionaire! It’d be the next cronut! The stuffed-crust pizza taking the world by storm! What would I call it? Probably keep it simple, just, describe what it is. “The sandwich of toast” – no, that’s too wordy. “The toasted sandwich!”

Oh. Ok. Nevermind.

Wish me luck on my patent application



At about 3pm today I put on my pyjamas and I got into bed. I pulled my thin white curtains across, but they’re like, 40 denier, so… oh. Sorry fellas, but I only know how to describe fabrics as how sheer they’d be if they were pantyhose. How would I word this in a way for everyone to understand? Um… oh! I got it! if my curtain fabric were a shirt you’d be able to see your nips. Done. So the nip-baring curtains were pulled across, still letting in some sunlight, but not too much. The ceiling fan was on, sending a gentle breeze through the room. Outside the streets were still and quiet; just the sounds of birds chirping. I read a few pages of my book, then felt my eyelids begin to sink. So I closed my eyes and had a small sleep, during the daytime, cosily wrapped up in bed.

After an hour I woke up feeling dopey and refreshed in equal parts. I couldn’t believe my good fortune. Outside it was still light, the daytime was carrying on its happy tune, waiting for me to join it again. The rest of the day was still open to possibility. Why don’t more people do this? Rest during the day for a spell, wake up feeling calmer and happier? It’s magic!

Then I realised suddenly that people do do this. It’s a nap. It’s been around since, like, humanity even started. I invented nothing. What made it worse is when I walked past my mirror and saw that my pyjamas had the worst ‘NAPS’ emblazoned across the front.

I was already in the merchandise for the product I hadn’t invented.

Screen Shot 2018-10-14 at 5.35.08 pm.png
Still available on

With my track record, I am waiting for the day I literally reinvent the wheel.

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