Slowly, reality comes, seeping in the edges of the world. Ok. What’s going on? Who am I? Female. Kate. Yes. My mouth tastes like a sock. Do I want to open my eyes? Not really. Compromise, just one? Ok. Eyelid prised open. Is this my bed? Good. Am I alone? Thank god. Where is my phone? How do I make it show me – ok. I got it. It’s 9am. Looks light outside. Should I get up? Definitely not.
Five minutes pass. Memories fall back in. Oh god. Did I really say that? Hopefully not. Maybe that one specific part of the evening was just a dream. Yes. That sounds like it’s… possible? Good. Let’s stay wrapped in the cozy blanket of denial. And the literal blanket of my duvet.
Hungry. Ok, really hungry. The hungriest that any human being has ever been, ever. No. Come on Kate, you’re not like, proper starving. You ate six cupcakes and a bag of salt & vinegar chips only four hours ago, you can’t compare yourself to Ethiopian children.
Toast. Need toast. Need coffee. No, toast is too hard, and none of the mugs are clean. Need McDonalds. Shoes. Where are shoes? Should I wipe last night’s makeup off? Maybe just lick my finger and scrub at the smudge on my cheek? Ok. Fine. I guess it’s staying there.
“Yes, please can I please have the Kiwi Brekkie McMuffin? With a hash brown? And a caramel McFlurry? And also one of those iced coffee things with the whipped cream on it? I don’t know, just the biggest one you have. Thank you.”
Back at home. Couch. Fat pants. Jason Bourne. Geez, look at him running. He’s always running places, looking upset. I’m so glad I don’t have to be a spy. Is he a spy? I should pay more attention. I just need the energy to get my laptop. I should do something really productive today, like, I should write maybe ten blogs and queue them all up. And then figure out what to do with my life. Also, I should drink a whole lot of water, and eat lots of vegetables. If I do that it will make up for the McDonalds, and it would basically even out over the whole day to be nutritious.
I’ll just have a few glasses of vanilla coke first, then straight after that, I’ll definitely start on the water. I think by lunchtime I’m going to really feel like vegetables.
Laptop acquired. Scroll. Like. Retweet. Refresh. Like. Retweet. Refresh. Nothing happening. Open Spider Solitaire.
“Does anyone else want some Dominos?”
If people say yes, and you end up getting pizzas, it’s sort of their fault. It’s not like you’re the only one eating it. It’s peer pressure.
Wonder how it’s possible that you can eat an entire pizza and not really feel full. Probably just dehydrated. Maybe should just drink the coke out of the bottle instead of wasting time pouring it into a glass. Efficient.
Second Bourne movie. Not entirely sure what happened in the first one, because Spider Solitaire was too engrossing. He’s a spy? Amnesia?
Wait, do I still have that Snickers bar in my bag? Oh thank goodness. This is exactly what I need. I’m going to start eating healthily, straight after this Snickers bar.
“Are you making popcorn? Yeah, I’ll have some.”
“Oh, you have lollies? Yeah, I’ll have some.”
Figure if you just eat the yellow jelly ones no one else wants, it doesn’t count. If you’re not enjoying it, it can’t be bad for you.
Head starts feeling kind of wooshy. Like if you stood up too fast, you’d pass out. Consider going to sleep. Think sleep and water will be the best thing, right now. Decide instead to just sit very still instead and see if it goes away.
It goes away.
Second Bourne movie end credits. No idea what happened. Gave up trying to follow the plot. Too exhausting watching him run everywhere. Where is his energy coming from? Just sit down for a minute, Jason.
Still have not successfully completed a game of Spider Solitaire. However, have hit ‘like’ on everything that everyone has posted on Facebook in the past six hours. Now just hitting refresh waiting for last night’s pics to go up. F5 F5 F5. Jack goes on Queen goes on King. F5 F5 F5. No more available moves, start new game? F5 F5 F5.
Halfway through third Bourne movie. Wonder if peering up at it occasionally when there’s a loud noise counts as actually watching it.
Should probably have some honey toast. For the nutrition. Oh! Maybe some cereal! If I add some sugar it will feel like childhood, and it doesn’t even count if it’s only a teaspoon. Well, a teaspoon and a half. The fibre cancels it out, anyway.
Ugh. I feel rough. I’m definitely going to get an early night. Well, right after New Zealand’s Got Talent. Then maybe I’ll just watch a Community episode in bed. Just one? It counts as rest if you’re lying down, anyway. And I’ll just have one square of this swiss chocolate stuff. Just one square, as like, dessert.
Ok. I’m definitely having an early night and eating healthy. Definitely. Tomorrow.