My Five Favourite Noises

Brick doesn’t know what we’re yelling about.

Brick likes loud noises. But we’re not here today to discuss volume, else this’d just be a list championing bands in student bars. We’re here today to discuss those noises that give me a little shiver of delight, at any decibel. So, without further ado, here they are.

1. The slide whistle. An instrument? That sounds like it’s asking a question? How could anything be more delightful?
2. The thwack of a tennis ball hitting the centre of the racquet.
3. Rain hitting a canvas awning.
4. The little rattle-poh-poh-poh-till when a golf ball is putted in.
5. The Universal dah-dah-DAHHHH at the beginning of a movie.

Of course, these noises wouldn’t always give me that shiver of delight. Context is key, and there are some situations where even my favourite noise wouldn’t make me smile:

1. The slide whistle being implanted into your throat so every time you breathe it goes upPPPP and DOOWwn. And then your friends stop talking to you because you’re the creepy whistler breather person.
2. The thwack noise of a tennis ball hitting the centre of the racquet then hitting the centre of your head. Thwack-racquet. Thwack-noggin.
3. Rain hitting a canvas awning while you’re standing outside your house trying to find your keys. And then the canvas awning breaks, probably because your Dad bought it on special and then didn’t install it properly because he got distracted by the cricket score.
4. The little rattle-poh-poh-poh-tell of when a golf ball is putted in. But you’re out playing mini golf on an awkward date and it’s only the first hole and that little rattle-poh-poh-poh-tell just rams it home that you have 18 more of these and this guy took ten goes to get the first one in and oh god I’m not laughing at his Apu impressions so why does he keep doing them?
5. The Universal dah-dah-DAHHHH at the beginning of a movie. Twist: the movie is Jaws: The Revenge.

Jaws: The Revenge of Bad Cinema