Welcome to a series in which I review public bathrooms in haiku form. Read the first entry here, where I visited the Fork & Brewer. In this entry I brave the Courtenay Place public toilets, a block of loos that have embraced technology with enthusiasm.
Courtenay Place RoboToilets
I’m sure we all know
You have no other options
Which is why you’re here.
To open the door
You need to press a button
(It’s a common theme).
Best to brace yourself
For what you will find inside
It’s luck of the draw…
Maybe it’s tidy?
Or maybe there’s a fresh turd
Perched upon the seat.
When you get inside
Burt Bacharach starts playing
And a countdown starts.
Seems like mixed signals
“Relax and enjoy these tunes”
“BUT WE’RE TIMING YOU”.
To get loo paper
You press a button and wait
Wait and wait and wait.
While you wait and wait
You see a bin for needles
Now fear germs AND aids.
You try to get soap
The sink makes a barking sound
Jizzes on your wrist.
Hand dryer is worse
One loud honk and a short blast
Is all it gives you.
The loo’s only “pro”
Is that it reminds us all
Robots aren’t perfect.
Don’t think we’re ready
For this much automation
Bacharach or no.
Let's Get Milkshakes! 
Oh my god this is fantastic.