How to get away with lip synching about thick chicks in public

I am not cool. People ask if I’ve heard the new song by whoever, and I have to stop them, because unless whoever has been recording ditties for at least ten years, I won’t know who they are. When friends are giving me directions, I need them to relate it to the nearest fast food…

How women’s underwear turned me into an asshole

Yesterday I saw someone hurt themselves, and I did absolutely nothing. On my way to the stairs, I passed an electrician fiddling with something in the wall, standing halfway up a ladder.  Another electrician stood next to him, fiddling with some sort of legit-looking handheld-device.  I did that closed-mouth-smile to say hello, where you’re acknowledging…

The Adventures of Ducky and Bob: Episode 1: Director’s Commentary

Art. Three simple letters. An endless abundance of meaning. Too often, entertainment is confused for art. Art should never be entertaining. Art should reach into you and wrap itself around your intestines, it should make you vomit from the visceral punch, make you wish you'd never been born, make you yearn to erase everything and…

Kate’s Food Photography Guide

It's the new big thing, in case you haven't heard. You get an app on your phone, and then you take pictures of your food, and then do some post production trickery, and then upload it, and then all your friends say 'nom'. Given that I take photos of everything before it goes in my mouth (that's what…

The Daily Hunk: Lincoln

Lincoln: Try not to let your mind wander... Lincoln firmly believed he had the skills to blow a woman's mind. That was the phrasing he used, too. He'd lean back in his chair, knees wide apart, and would say "Oh, that blonde? Ha. I blew. her. mind." His friends would smirk, and they'd all take…

Forever a rebel

I am amazed at how rapidly technology changes nowadays. Back in my grandma’s day, they had like, fifty years to get used to the idea of the wireless. Now, there’s barely enough time to figure out how to change the wallpaper on your iPhone before the next one comes out. Teenagers today have it so…

The Adventures of Ducky and Bob: Episode 1

Will Bob start taking his increasing debts and lack of job prospects seriously? Will Ducky take pity on him and return to the conversation? Is this the worst thing on the internet? Tune in next time to find out!

Note to self: never go to the gym after work

In the mornings, there are usually about six people in the entire gym. It’s quiet. After a few weeks you even start recognising the regulars. There’s the old guy, whose routine involves changing his shirt in the weight room (bet you a dollar I’ve seen more elderly nipples than you today) and then balancing uneasily…

Blog launch party

Done. Twenty blog posts published. My self-imposed ban on waiting to tell people that this blog exists is over. I can now email the link to my mum, so that she can pretend that she reads it and I can pretend to believe her. I should definitely do some sort of… welcome. But what should…

Practicing some self-restraint. Sorta.

I started this blog almost a month ago on what was surely one of the most anti-social but most enjoyable Saturday evenings I’ve had in a while. I sat down with this curry: and this movie: I put on the pink fluffy socks my grandma sent me for my birthday and cackled at my own…